Sunday, February 20, 2011
I need advice
Well its been a long time since i had an arguement with my fiance but we had one today. It really made me feel bad. I was upset that he went to a friends house when I left to go to the store for my grandmother. It just made me feel like he's uncomfortable with being along with Jadon. He said Jadon got restless so he went over there so he could play with their son. I just thought it wasn't a good idea for him to be there when her hubby wasn't home. NOT because I don;t trust them, I do. My friend would kill him if he ever made a wrong comment or whatever towards her but I just don't want problems created you know. So that got him mad and then all sorts of things came out. He doesn't feel like I do enough around here. He said it doesn't look like I put my 8 hours in with the house. Clothes pile up and dishes are alsways in the sink. Well yes that is true from time to time. But here lately I have been loads better on that. Not too mention it was never that bad anyway. He feels like the house should be spotless when he comes home. Well thats a little hard when I hve to take care of Jadon too. And I have washed dishes now twice today and the sink is already started to fill up again. I have folded and put away all the clean clothes but I already have a load in the dryer and the washer again. I don't know how we make so many dishes or laundry but we do and it has to be done. I was sick a week ago or so and things did pile up and I felt really bad about that but I felt bad too physically. I am trying my best here. I also felt like he could stay home at least once in a while not go see our friends every single day but he says that he leaves to get away. And I said well I'm sorry you feel like you need to get away from me and Jadon so often and he says I'm not trying to get away from Jadon. So apparently he justs wants away from me. I said that and he didn't respond. What do I do that so bad? I make sure his coffee is ready to go in the morning and I make his lunch the night before so he can just grab it and go in the morning. I also make sure dinner is done as soon as he walks in the door. If it isn't ready when he walks in it is within the first 30 minutes he is home. I pick up after him. I do his laundry. I let him take naps on my lap and everything. I have been trying hard to make him happy. But I can't do everything. He really hurt me today and I don't know what to do. I want us to work but how if my best isn't good enough? He said he feels like the only reason things have been cleaner lately is because of friends coming over more often. Well that isn't the case. I had company the other day but they stayed outside so they didn't see the house and then last night we had some come over. Yes I made sure the house was clean but I have been trying to do that everyday the past 2 weeks. So I'm just a confused right now. I don't know what to do. My fiance is a great guy most of the time and I want to be with him. But what do I do? Try harder? Its hard to talk to him because he gets upset. But I will try that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I know its hard not to, but you shouldnt take it personally. Im sure my brother doesnt mean the things that he says(or in some cases doesnt), which hurt you. It sounds to me like hes just generally dissatisfied with his life right now. That isnt to say dissatisfied with you, but perhaps with the monotony, and with his job. He'll be feeling very frustrated and helpless in his inability to change or improve the situation. You should point out to him that you understand this, and that you feel the same way yourself sometimes, so you know what hes going through. I think he'll just need to know that you understand and sympathise. He also needs to feel as though hes getting away. Being in his own house can make him feel more trapped in the situation. The house represents his present life and situation, so if he isnt happy with his current situation, the house is going to feel like a prison. Dont feel upset that he wants to go to see friends everyday, but put yourself in a position to spend more time with him outside the house, that way he doesnt associate YOU with the house, and inadvertantly assign the same negative emotions to you as a result.
ReplyDeleteIf you're concerned about dishes piling up while you're ill, then Id suggest buying some paper plates/plastic cutlery to be used ONLY when you're ill, so there wont be any dishes to pile up. Cant help with the laundry problem, except to suggest that some of my brothers problem with that will be my mothers fault. I dont know if he ever told you, but we spent our entire childhood growing up with a 4 foot high, 6 foot wide, mountain of mouldy laundry, which never got washed, all of which was my mothers, and yet she was constantly yelling at US to get it done. So chalk some of my brothers psychosis up to that one.
The cleaning isnt the issue. It doesnt mean you shouldnt do it, of course, its always important to try to keep a tidy environment, but you need to be looking at the underlying problems behind my brothers complaints. Get him out of the house. See if he cant take a few days off work to spend some time out of the house, and make sure he doesnt stay in at weekends.
Thanks for letting me know about that. It wasn't ever dirty laundry just the clean stuff I hadn't folded yet. But it was still a small pile. So I will make sure that doesn't happen again. We really can't afford for him to take extra days off. He usually gets 2 days a week off, but ot the same days every week. I won't get upset when he goes over to his friends. He told me last night when we sat down to have a discussion that the money issue is the biggest stress he's dealing with. I can't show him the future but I do keep trying to let him know it won't always be like this. I am in school so when I finally get my degree done I'll work so he can go to school and get a job he wants, which will help him alot. He hates his job. He is in a pessimistic slump right now. Thanks for your advice, it is really helpful to hear it put that way.
ReplyDeleteanytime sis :) *hugz*
ReplyDelete